i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
