I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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