Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
