she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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