so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
