Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
