worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
