Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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