I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
