My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
