I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
