from now on my penis is your penis
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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