you guys were way drunker than both of me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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