He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
