Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
