Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
