i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
