So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
