love makes seman taste better
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
