What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
