My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
