I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
