I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
