you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
