using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
