first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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