your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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