We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
