For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
