um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
