okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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