Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
