in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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