Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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