Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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