Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
