He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
