I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
