Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
