i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
