Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
