Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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