Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
