Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
