I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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