That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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