dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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