I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
