We're facebook friends in real life
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
