Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
