you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
