my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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